Virus Causes Rockers to Find Jesus

[Psycho Dave]

www.soundgenerator.com/news/index.cfm?articleid=5266
www.soundgenerator.com/news/index.cfm?articleid=5068

Maynard and Lead Singer of Korn finding Jesus? ...and not be an April fool's prank? ...Odd, odd, odd... I know some of you would be interested in hearing this... and, i dunno, it seems like a trend...? Not too long ago, I announced that John Davis, former frontman for Superdrag, released a new album that centered around his love for Jesus.

Is there a Jesus ray I don't know about? ...I think it's innefectual to Jews... but I think Christians have found another way to go at that, which oddly enough has been very successful: Jews for Jesus.

Problem solved! ...you Christians can all rest easy knowing you've saved, not only the most unsavable of souls, but Jews too! ...the inquisition/crusades ain't got nuffin on you...

[Chad Wilkens]

Psycho said:

Problem solved! ...you Christians can all rest easy knowing you've saved, not only the most unsavable of souls, but Jews too! ...the inquisition/crusades ain't got nuffin on you...

Don't forget that Jesus was a Jew, was supposed to be the king of the Jews, and was supposedly sent to save the Jews...

So basically, Christians are the second choice, since the Jews rejected Jesus as Messiah.

You never had it so good!

[Psycho Dave]

Chad said:

Don't forget that Jesus was a Jew, was supposed to be the king of the Jews, and was supposedly sent to save the Jews...

So basically, Christians are the second choice, since the Jews rejected Jesus as Messiah.

You never had it so good!

You know what Chadolla? ...it all depends on who you ask... heh

[JVH (f/k/a Bob Dubilina)]

It's not the lead singer of Korn, it's lead guitarist Brian "Head" Welsch:

"Guitarist Brian 'Head' Welsch has quit pioneering nu-metal act Korn to dedicate his life to Christianity."

Dedicating his life to Christianity, huh? Sounds like just a more righteous way of saying, "I'm unemployed." Seriously, unless he truly goes pious and becomes a missionary in the Congo, what the hell is he going to do to get in God's good graces? He's spent so many years making the devil's music, and his first plan of action is to put the guitar down? But aren't idle hands the work of the devil, too? Talk about a lose/lose situation. Who knew being a rock star would be so tough?

BobbyDobbyD

P.S. As for MJK, don't lose all hope just yet. Maybe like John Davis he'll apply his newfound appreciation of Jesus into his music. Can you imagine an 8-minute prog-metal anthem about nailing a handsome young idealist to the cross? With that signature howl? Sexy!

[JVH (f/k/a Bob Dubilina)]

Lifted from http://www.toolband.com:

07 Apr 05
"Christians, huh? So forgive me." - Bill Hicks

Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"

As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."

"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.

"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."

BMB

Funny stuff, but I'm not buying the "April Fools!" angle. Anybody else find it kind of odd that Maynard gets back to work right after the candidates for Pope were announced. I guess the Son of God really doesn't hold that much sway over the Catholics. Poor MJK . . . all those dreams of a grand papacy turned to dust.

BobbyDobbyD

[sa]

total joke guys....

swiped from <html>http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1499613/04052005/tool.jhtml</html>
"Just as we thought! Late Wednesday night, Tool frontman and Jesus tease Maynard James Keenan, responding to yet another entreaty to clarify the rumor that he was leaving the band to follow the Lord, said in an e-mail: "Pretend you're reading 'The Onion.' "

On Thursday morning, Keenan 'fessed up to the world on the Tool Web site, and in a final e-mail to MTV News, he said: "I was actually quite surprised people bought it. Especially considering most of the subject matter of my work. 'Judith,' for example. I guess when I said 'f--- your god,' I didn't mean the actual God. Just the god of sheep who lack a sense of humor."

— Kurt Loder

(Here is Wednesday's update.)

You'll recall that on Tuesday, in the course of looking into Internet rumors that Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan had found Jesus and was leaving the band, we e-mailed Keenan and put the question to him directly. His response was: "i did, in fact, find jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya."

After contemplating this communication, with its lowercase "j" for "Jesus," and its oddly breezy "God bless ya," we began to wonder: Was MJK pulling our leg, yanking our chain — in a word, lying to us? We e-mailed him again, and asked flat-out. His response this time: "heh heh."

Jesus."

I think he's just totally mocking Brian Welch. (Go Maynard...)